Do you want to raise a woman’s interest in you online? Playing hard to get is effective with women according to a study. That’s right when men back off and play it “cool,” women become more interested in men. A study published in Psychological Science found a woman will be more attracted to you when she’s uncertain about how much you like her. What this means if you want a woman to like you, never let on how much you’re interested in her. You want to establish you’re “hard to get” but still very interested in her. The women believed the experiment they were participating in was to see if Facebook could work as a dating site.
Why You Should Play Hard to Get Online
Playing “hard-to-get” is an age-old gambit for dating and mating, familiar to moviegoers, readers of literature and any admirer who’s ever been “left on read. Research just published in the peer-reviewed journal Personality and Individual Differences looks at the psychological underpinnings of making yourself seem more desirable by withholding obvious signs of romantic interest.
For instance, you’re sitting there and playing with your phone — phubbing — not paying full attention to the other person and making them struggle to get your attention. It’s sending a double message. On the one hand, you’re saying you’re interested. But on the other hand you’re saying, ‘You’ll have to work hard to actually get my full attention.
In one of the three situations, the participants were asked to interact with online profiles that made a potential date look either hard to get or.
Some scientists believe the principle of reciprocity is the single most important determinant of whether one person will like another. Skip navigation! Story from Health. In fact, the idea of playing hard to get probably ranks as one of the most popular dating tips of all time, but does it actually work? In the s, Elaine Hatfield and her colleagues conducted a series of experiments to test whether playing hard to get works.
In one of their studies, straight men who signed up to a computer dating service were told that the computer had found them a date. They were asked to give her a call from a phone in the office, ask her out, and report back their first impressions. In fact, the date was actually a confederate of the experimenters.
Tease me, please me: Playing hard to get really works
But does it actually work? In essence, the rarer an object or experience is, the more desirable it becomes. Cialdini asserts that because the warring Capulet and Montague families hamper Romeo and Juliet from courting one and other, it actually encourages them to desire each other even more. As we all know, their ill-fated passion meets a tragic and fatal end. Albeit self-imposed, being coy with a prospective partner generally increases their fancy for being with you.
Making someone pursue you can do wonders to intensify their interest, but playing ‘hard to get’ effectively is more difficult than just acting.
Previous studies have suggested that uncertainty adds another romantic element and increases sexual desire , but Reis says his study shows the opposite is true. The findings are based on six studies. In one, 51 young women and 50 young men from a university in Israel, who identified themselves as single and heterosexual, were told they would be participating in an online chat with another participant in a different room. The participants had their pictures taken and told it would be shown to who they were chatting with.
The actual recipient of the picture was part of the research team. The scientists then showed the participants the same picture of someone of the opposite sex. At the end of the chat conversations, the scientists told the participants they could send one last message to their partner. They told some of the participants that their partner had also sent them a last message, and some that they had no messages.
Why Playing Hard To Get Is Effective With Women Online
Subscriber Account active since. You will probably have heard this classic piece of dating advice thousands of times: Play hard to get. It’s a common belief that acting aloof and unavailable will drive someone crazy, and right into your arms. If you’re looking to attract men, this course of action is considered particularly effective.
We tend to like people who like us—a basic human trait that psychologists have termed “reciprocity of attraction. Yet, making the chase harder also has its advantages. So which one is the better strategy? A pair of researchers from the University of Rochester and the Israeli-based Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya have spent the last few years studying the dynamics of human sexual attraction. In a study , they found that when people feel greater certainty that a prospective romantic partner reciprocates their interest, they will put more effort into seeing that person again.
Furthermore, they will even rate the possible date as more sexually attractive than they would if they were less certain about the prospective date’s romantic intentions. In that study, whether participants felt certain or uncertain about a prospective mate’s interest hinged on whether or not they received a follow-up message from their designated chat partner who, in reality, was a study insider.
But in a new study published this spring in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , the team now examined the effects playing hard to get, a mating strategy that is likely to instill a certain degree of uncertainty. The researchers discovered that making the chase harder increased a potential mate’s desirability. Birnbaum and Reis have collaborated for decades, ever since Birnbaum was a postdoctoral fellow in psychology at Rochester in — While playing hard to get is a common strategy used to attract mates, Birnbaum and Reis found that past research has been unclear about whether, and if so, why this strategy works—questions they sought to address in the latest study.
The duo tested the hard-to-get tactic across three interrelated studies. Participants interacted with what they believed to be another research participant of the opposite sex, but who was in reality an insider—a member of the research team.
Why playing hard to get works and other dating lessons from behavioral economics
Pew Research Center has long studied the changing nature of romantic relationships and the role of digital technology in how people meet potential partners and navigate web-based dating platforms. This particular report focuses on the patterns, experiences and attitudes related to online dating in America. These findings are based on a survey conducted Oct. The margin of sampling error for the full sample is plus or minus 2.
You will probably have heard this classic piece of dating advice thousands of times: Play hard to get. It’s a common belief that acting aloof and.
New American research has found that playing hard to get might be one of the riskier tactics used in dating, but it could actually help you snag a partner. Carried out by a team from the University of Rochester, along with the Israeli-based Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya, the new study recruited women and men. These participants were split into three different studies that looked at their interactions with the opposite sex.
In one of the three situations, the participants were asked to interact with online profiles that made a potential date look either hard to get or easy to attract. In the second, they had to answer a list of questions that suggested how much effort they would make to pursue a potential partner. In the third, the participants were asked to interact with potential partners via Instant Messenger in a chat, so that the researchers could see how much effort they made to pursue potential dates, and whether playing hard to get would have an effect on this effort.
The findings, published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships , showed that people who were perceived as being hard to get were also thought to have a greater mate value.
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Last Updated: March 22, References. This article was co-authored by our trained team of editors and researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness. There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 1,, times. Learn more
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Brooke Lewis. So, Guys, take a few expert advice tips from a Lady who has been there:. I know, we all hate the busy word. Guys, like you, women are busier than ever. More and more women are uber focused on their careers. They are traveling for work and some are working more than one job to stay afloat. Divorce rates are higher than ever , so it is likely you are also meeting single moms who are responsible for their children first.
Gay dating playing hard to get
Researchers from the University of Rochester and Centre Herzliya have examined the effects of playing hard to get, and claim that making the chase harder increases your desirability. That makes them seem less valuable and appealing than those who do not make their romantic interest apparent right away. In one experiment, participants interacted with people whose online dating profiles indicated that they were either hard to get or easy to attract. The results found that profiles that were hard to get were more valued and seen as more desirable as a partner.
Meanwhile, in another experiment, participants chatted to an insider via Instant Messenger. At the end, the participants were asked to leave one final message.
Dan Ariely explains how not to fill out your online dating profile, how to help a friend be less picky in who she dates and what questions to ask.
The rules of dating have changed. Forget that stuff about playing hard to get, expecting the man to pay, and never having sex on a first date. Read on to discover the new rules of engagement. The writers are doing themselves no favours. Confidence is sexy; arrogance is not. The aim of the online dating game is to catch the eye of someone you have lots in common with.
You do this by being original and, above all, specific about your interests. State which tracks you enjoy, and your favourite place to see your friends.